Writing when everything has changed (including you)

An old project, a new season, and finding the path between them.

I’ve definitely put off writing this first post-partum newsletter.

Things that felt like normal tasks before I had my baby (writing a monthly newsletter, posting on instagram daily, editing every day) now feel like mountains.

But here I am, showing up for my past self who set goals that she trusted her future self to complete. I know the part of me that loves to write still exists somewhere in me… but she’s just not here right now.

(Actually, as I type this newsletter, I feel her digging her way out of the dirt… my fingers connecting with keys feels like coming home.)

(This is my writer-self trying to dig her way out of the dirt.)

It makes me a little sad that as I approach finishing my YA Dystopian Fantasy series, which has been part of my life since 2011, it’s more of a burden than a joy these days. I know the excitement for writing and my books will return. Right now, all my excitement is being poured into my three month old baby (he’s incredible) and my new solo practice as a trauma therapist - two things I LOVE.

All of this to say - my books have taken a backseat to those other priorities (and of course, finding time to sleep, feed myself, feed baby, make sure the house is habitable, play Pokémon Pokopia…). But after fifteen years of dreaming, The Severed Fates deserves me to finish well. Maybe not strong, but well.

Which means my expectations, my timeline, and my routines might all look a little different. But at least they still exist, and I’m in the process of re-defining them.

My postpartum brain can’t follow the structure of my newsletter I created in a different lifetime… so let’s experiment with a new one :)

⛰️THE MOUNTAINTOPS

Earlier I said that little tasks are feeling like mountains, which means truly every accomplishment feels like I’ve climbed Everest these days. For the sake of organization, here I’ll celebrate the BIG STUFF. The REALLY BIG STUFF!

Which, in the past few months, is my cover reveal for the FINAL book in my series!

It’s here! It’s finally here!

Since each of the first three books follow a different protagonist, I wanted their images represented on their respective covers, but I knew the final one would need to be different. It was fun to dream up an image that reflects the climax of this last book!!

P.S. my first three ebooks are still $.99 each because I haven’t had the energy to change the price back so grab ‘em here

🔆 THE HILLS

Up above I’m celebrating the BIG mountains, but here I want to celebrate the little wins, which I’ll call hills :)

• I got feedback from my beta readers on When Death Is Shattered and it was overwhelmingly positive 😭 I feel so affirmed in how my series ends!! I can’t wait for you all to read it!

• I finished a “sporadic” edit of When Death Is Shattered - I hopped around to edit and rewrite various scenes based on the beta reader feedback.

• I’ve started going to a coffeeshop about once a week to get back into a routine of working on my book 🍵

• I’ve been reading so much more on my kindle (can’t hold a book with a baby)! To deal with decision paralysis, I’ve decided to simply go in order through the “popular & available now” options on Libby. No blurb reading! No review reading! Simply borrow, start the book, and return it if I’m not feeling it. Here are my favs from the past few months:

  • The Wedding People by Alison Espach

  • Klara and the Sun by Kazuo Ishiguro

  • Twice by Mitch Albom

  • Broken Country by Clare Leslie Hall

  • I Who Have Never Known Men by Jacqueline Harpman

• Last year my friend Carey and I hosted a weekly writing group at our local shelter. We put together a collection of pieces by unhoused writers… and I just got the book copies! The writers got the pride of being paid for submitting pieces, and now they’ll get the satisfaction of holding print copies of their work. Now to put them together for distribution :)

🛣️ THE PATH AHEAD

What’s next??

• A FULL edit of When Death Is Shattered, from beginning to end. I’m putting off this task… but I’ll get there :) The book goes to my editor in November!

• Getting ready for my Kickstarter this summer. This means working on my special edition formatting, figuring out bookvault, and finalizing my reward tiers.

• Trying to occasionally post on Instagram… Some days I remember social media exists and that it’s my primary way of sharing my book with people. Ugh.

👣 THE ROAD BEHIND

In my last newsletter, I shared about my “18 year challenge” where I’m picking a value/virtue each year to focus on and learn from.

This year’s value is presence.

As I shared, my goal for February through April was to reduce multitasking and spend more time monotasking - just doing one thing at a time.

My reflections so far:

• A baby sure does force you to be present! It’s been easier than expected… because most of the time I am literally incapable of multitasking the way I used to. My capacity for it is so much lower, and I’m grateful. I love the moments where I’m doing nothing but sitting and smiling back and forth with my baby. I love that I haven’t felt the pressure to try to be productive while parenting, because these are memories I don’t want to miss by being distracted.

• My baby inspires me to monotask. I love that he can just stare at a page of a book for so long, taking in all the colors and words. I love that we can go for walks and he can just soak in the sounds and sights of the world. I know his brain is much smaller and less developed than an adult’s brain, but I’m taking it as a reminder that humans were designed to be able to simply BE. With technology and hyper-productivity, I feel like I’ve lost that ability at times. But my baby is encouraging me to find it again 😊

  

• At the same time… when I CAN multitask, I appreciate it so much more than before. Sometimes when I do have the energy, I’ll be nursing the baby while also playing with my cat (because the little gremlin is jealous and paws at my legs) while also listening to a therapy training or podcast. It makes me feel powerful and capable.

• My biggest takeaway is that there IS a time and a place for multitasking. It’s not inherently bad. It’s a beautiful thing that our bodies and brains can sometimes hold space for more than one thing at once, especially when we have multiple hats to juggle. But monotasking is beautiful, too, and I’m excited to continue challenging myself to do it more and more.

My mini-challenge to build presence for May through July is to reduce mindless phone use. I set this goal because too often I’m just grabbing my phone and clicking around with no intention or goal. It does nothing positive for me - in fact, it’s a form of disconnecting with myself and my surroundings, which isn’t healthy.

I’m two weeks into May and let me tell you… I’m failing at this phase of the challenge so far.

(It’s not failure, Jen! The goal is to learn about yourself through the process!)

Ok, ok, thanks. To rephrase, I’m having a really hard time NOT using my phone mindlessly. So I guess I’ll just keep paying attention to my patterns, notice the purpose the behavior serves, and experiment with creating change.

So, stay tuned. Maybe next time I’ll have made some progress… 🫠